the gift of your higher self and how you know it's there

She went to heaven


The day started when we called up to this hospital this morning around 11ish.
We were told that the palliative care team was up there to asses what type of medication they should put her on if any.

After doing what they do it was determined that medication was not needed.
About 12:30 i went into a shop for a delivery and got talking with the owner and his wife.
I guess his wife lost her grandma early this morning.

I left the flower shop, got into my van and started to leave the parking lot when i got a call form my cousin.

She said

If you’re driving i need you to stop and pull over so i can talk to you

I said

Ohhhhh….k, what’s going on?

She said

I just need to you pull over right now before i can talk to you and i need to know that you are pulled over.

I went back into the parking stall where i left from and got out of the van so that she knew i was parked/pulled over and out of the van.

I don’t want to say word for word but she told me that grandma was gone.
I couldn’t quite grasp what she was saying…i wasn’t thinking that it was grandma grandma so i said

Grandma? grandma who? what do you mean grandma?

I never thought for a minute it was her cause we just talked to the hospital not long before this and there was no indication that she was ready.

I didn’t know what to think, i stumbled over to the closest place i could so i could sit down.
It was hard to take in at first and it was harder trying to find a way to tell her son (Andrew) who was with me the news.

I walked to the van with no hesitation, opened the side door, gave him a hug and said

I’m sorry

He said

She’s gone, isn’t she?

I said

Yes, she is…she’s in heaven and she’s happy

He lost it…

After about a half hour or so we got back in the van and i decided to do a few deliveries before going up to the hospital.

It was 3:18 when i arrived at the hospital to see her one last time.
I wanted to get there as quick as i could cause i felt there was one last thing i needed to do.
When i got into the room i said a little prayer.

Father, i want to thank you for giving vivian the life that she had and i want to say thank you for taking her the way she lies.

It was hard to take in but i knew i had to do it and the other thing that crossed my mind is if i look at her like this i will be looking at her in peace and in comfort.
I’m looking at her not struggling anymore and fighting for oxygen.

Yesterday i didn’t see that…i seen struggle and suffering.

This is a day we need to celebrate that she’s home with her father and that she’s no longer suffering and in pain.
We need to celebrate the life she had and the duties she fulfilled.

Thank you guys for reading and i am glad i didn’t have to continue writing and expressing more days on struggle.


I want to thank the family for the support that was shown.
Every bit of support is that much more strength.


I also want to thank my cousin for making that call to me.
I don’t know what it feels like but i can imagine knowing what happened and having to repeat it to another person.
Hearing it is hard enough let alone hearing it from yourself to someone else and knowing what that person will be like.

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Comments on: "She went to heaven" (2)

  1. ah you bigger! you made me cry again! She is happier now than we even know is possible! That prayer was so beautiful! All I can say is Amen,Amen! She put a smile on anyone’s face that met her for even just a minute. Yeah it sucked having to be the one to tell you, but it’s better coming from someone who loves you. Love you lot you’ve been a true strong tower for uncle Andrew. I can’t thank you enough for all you have done for him and grandma. God bless you cousin.

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